June 9th 2010
Connection is not just some woo woo term used to promote permissive parenting. In the latest research, connection – specifically the parent-child connection – is actually the #1 predictor for whether or not our children will engage in risky, aggressive or self-destructive behaviors when they get into their teen years. So how do you get it? How do you get a toddler to know she’s connected to you? How do you connect with that wily tween who wants less and less to do with you? How do you create connection in times when all you want to do is put the child out with the dog?
Connection actually happens in the brain. That may sound simple and self-evident, but most of us don’t know exactly how the brain and nervous system work together to allow children to learn, think, and experience that we care about them. We don’t know how to BE in ways that allow for the brain to feel connection. My 3-part class answers these questions powerfully, giving you the opportunity to turn messy moments into real gems. To start right now, try just listening to your child the next time their behavior goes off track. If they reach out to whack the child next to them or grab someone else’s toy, gently stop their behavior with your hand, let them know in a loving voice that you cannot let them hurt someone else, and then listen to them. Let them tell you how unfair it is, how they really want it, how that other person has had it FOREVER. Let them share all of their upset feelings with you as you hold your boundary gently. When they’ve shared for a few minutes, then see if you can re-direct them or offer them something else to do. While you’re listening, pay attention to your child and see if you can notice their nervous system re-setting as they offload tense emotions to you. Watch for when they seem to come back to their “normal” calm and flexible selves. You’ll be amazed how powerful your listening can be!
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.